nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
