I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
