The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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