I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
