they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize