ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
