I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am naked and annoyed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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