She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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