ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
