I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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