He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
