i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize