Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
