he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
