They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
