paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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