Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
