No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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