How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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