Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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