matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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