I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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