I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
