woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
