she was so not down for the gang bang
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
