She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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