sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
