NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
