marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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