after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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