Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
