can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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