I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
