I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
