Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
