I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
