I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
