But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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