my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
