Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
