i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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