Cold hands, warm shart.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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