absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
