I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
