We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
