i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
