Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
