I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
