Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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