"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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