Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
