thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
