I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
