I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
