True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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