Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
