Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
