1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
