yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
