you win again, gameday.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
