Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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