and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
