don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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