I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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