SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize