Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
