Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
