I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
