His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
